When Self-Development turns Selfish
Can I be honest with you?
This week, a new flatmate moved in with us, and one of the first conversations we had was about how self-development can make you selfish. (Yep, pretty deep for a first chat.)
As someone who advocates for inner work, that conversation really stayed with me. It was important to hear where she was coming from. Because even though I’d put my hand in the fire for this work, I’ve seen it before — people close to my heart getting so focused on healing, growing, evolving… that it starts to become all about them.
And especially as a coach, I want to stay aware of the side effects and risks. But also as a friend, I want to be someone who can understand and support. Do you feel the same?
So I’m wondering, have you noticed it too?
The “I need to protect my energy” thing turning into avoiding hard conversations.
The “I’m setting boundaries” thing turning into disconnection.
The “I need to work on myself” thing turning into isolation.
I’ve seen friends disappear into their own bubble of self-work. Only talking about their triggers, their blocks, their nervous system. And I get it, we do need time to go inward.
But at some point, the work has to meet the world again.
Because the point of becoming more grounded, more clear, more you… is so you can show up better. In relationships. In your community. In whatever life is calling you into.
That’s why I’m such a big believer in doing this work together.
Yes, grow. Yes, set boundaries. Yes, care for yourself deeply.
But don’t forget that growth isn’t just for you, it’s also for how you show up in the lives of others.
Here’s what helps me keep self-development from becoming a solo mission:
• Reflecting with others, not just by myself
• Volunteering or helping someone without expecting anything back
• Asking for feedback from people I trust
• Creating more than I consume
• Staying in spaces that challenge me to grow with others, not away from them
And that’s exactly why I created my little corner on Patreon.
To offer space for reflection, but also for connection.
To keep us grounded in our becoming, without losing sight of the world around us.
So if you’ve been doing this work alone for a while and you’re craving a softer, more supportive space… you’re so welcome to join us.
Big hugs,
Mimi
