People-Pleasing Is Exhausting: Here’s How to Start Choosing Yourself Without Guilt
Late last year, I realised something hard to admit:
I was building other people’s dreams—and neglecting my own.
I had been saying yes to collaborations, freelance projects, and support roles that weren’t fully aligned with where I wanted to go. And sure, they looked good on paper. They gave me some stability. They helped others. But deep down, I knew:
I wasn’t investing my time in my future. I was people-pleasing. Again.
What People-Pleasing Can Look Like (Even When You’re “Doing Well”)
It’s sneaky. It hides under good intentions and high standards. But it drains you slowly:
Saying yes because you don’t want to disappoint someone
Feeling responsible for other people’s reactions
Taking on too much because you’re scared to say no (or like the sound of all the opportunities)
Putting other people’s goals ahead of your own—over and over again
Sound familiar?
Why We People-Please
For many of us, people-pleasing isn’t just a habit—it’s a learned survival strategy.
We fear being seen as difficult, selfish, or unreliable
We’ve been praised for being “the helpful one,” “the strong one,” or “the one who’s always there”
We’ve learned that our worth is tied to how much we do for others
But here’s the thing: People-pleasing disconnects you from yourself. It erodes your self-trust. It makes you outsource your time, energy, and decisions.
And eventually, it catches up.
My Turning Point: Choosing to Plant Seeds for Myself
Earlier this year, I found myself overwhelmed. I was overbooked. Under-inspired. I was doing a lot—but not the things that mattered most to me.
So I got honest. I paused. I looked at my calendar, my energy, and my goals.
And I realised: I was investing in everyone else’s growth but my own (and I was making good money from it, but to me time has bigger value than money).
That’s when I made the choice to stop saying yes to everything, and start saying yes to myself. Not in a harsh or dramatic way. But in a conscious, grounded, intentional way.
I started planting seeds for my vision—my coaching offers, my long-term direction, my personal development.
And with every small boundary I set, I felt a little more powerful.
How to Start Choosing Yourself Without Guilt
Spot the Pattern
Ask yourself:
Am I saying yes because I truly want to?
Or because I’m scared of how they’ll feel if I say no?
What would I choose if I didn’t feel guilty?
Reframe Boundaries as Respect
Boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re honest. They’re how you stay connected to yourself and others.
Try saying:
"That doesn’t align with my focus right now."
"I’m prioritising my own work this season, but thank you for thinking of me."
"I’d love to help, but I don’t have the capacity right now."
Practice Small Acts of Self-Trust
Each time you honour your needs, you rebuild your self-trust. Start small:
Take that day off you keep postponing
Say no to one thing this week—even if it’s just a call
Choose one goal that’s 100% for you, not anyone else
People-pleasing isn’t about being kind. It’s about being afraid.
Choosing yourself isn’t about being selfish. It’s about being self-led.
And you’re allowed to prioritise your peace, your growth, and your purpose—even if it makes other people uncomfortable.
You’re not here to be everything to everyone. You’re here to be aligned with yourself.
Want support in learning how to lead yourself through this shift? Coaching can help. Learn more about how we can work together here.
With love,
Mimi
