The Space Between Event and Reaction – Holding Power

We’ve all been there. Something triggers us—a comment, a message, a look—and before we even realise it, we’re reacting. Snapping back. Shutting down. People-pleasing. Or spiralling into overthinking.

What if I told you the most powerful moment in that whole interaction isn’t what happened… but what happens *next*?

It’s the moment between stimulus and response.

The space between event and reaction.

The pause.

That’s where the magic lives and the power is held. The moment that determines if we repeat old patterns or choose something new. If we protect or expand. If we react… or respond.

Why That Space Matters

Our nervous system is lightning fast. It’s wired to protect us from threats—and historically, that was super helpful. But in today’s world, your brain might still think a triggering email or someone’s silence is a threat to having food on your plate...

So it does what it knows best: reacts fast. Survival-mode fast.

But conscious growth lives in the slow. In the pause. In the breath you take before deciding how to show up.

In that pause, we reconnect to our values, our vision, and the version of us we’re becoming.

What Happens When We Don’t Pause

We speak from wounds.

We act from fear.

We replay patterns that leave us feeling disempowered, misunderstood, or disconnected.

Over time, we might even stop trusting ourselves—because we don’t like how we show up when we’re triggered.

The answer isn’t perfection.

It’s awareness. And the willingness to do something different, one small moment at a time.

How to Practise Holding the Pause

1. Recognise Your Patterns

Think of the last time you felt triggered. What did you do automatically?

Becoming aware is the first step. Name it. Maybe even check in which inner part of you was speaking and reacting to that trigger. Which need lies behind the reaction?

2. Slow the Moment

When something sparks emotion, try this:

- Pause

- Take a deep breath

- Notice what’s happening inside

You don’t need to react immediately. You’re allowed to wait.

3. Choose Your Response

Ask yourself: What version of me do I want to show up here?

Or even: What would my future self do?

Honour the wounds which are triggered but understand you won’t heal them by reacting the same way as usually. They won’t feel any better, you won’t feel any better. You can sit with them and heal them afterwards but choose consciously how you want to react to the outer world as this will be the start of your new pathway of reacting. This will be the first little step you walk which then sets the new normal for next time a wound gets triggered.

4. Shift the Story

In the pause, we get the opportunity to reframe:

• Instead of "He / She’s ignoring me," try "Maybe he / she’s having a hard day."

• Instead of "I messed up again," try "This is a chance to grow."

5. Anchor with Breath, Mind or Body

A short grounding practice like placing like placing your hand on your heart, or feeling your feet on the floor, can regulate your nervous system and help you access clarity faster. I even started imagining an elephant in detail before choosing a reaction. Sending all my awareness to the shape on the elephant’s ears distracted me that much, I was sometimes fully able to re-wire my reaction process (yes, not always - practice not perfection!)

How Meditation Trains the Pause

One of the best tools to expand this inner space is meditation. Why? Because meditation teaches you to observe without reacting.

When you sit in stillness and notice an itch, a sensation, a restless thought, you practise staying present without jumping into action. You build the muscle of witnessing—of seeing what arises without immediately needing to fix, change, or run from it. This practice strengthens your ability to hold space for discomfort in everyday life too. The more we become aware of what’s happening within, the less likely we are to react unconsciously to what’s happening around us.

A Practice You Can Try

Each evening, reflect:

- Where did I react today?

- Where did I pause?

- What would I love to do differently next time?

Journaling these questions helps you bring more awareness to your day-to-day interactions—so you can choose your response more often.

The pause isn’t empty. It’s full of potential.

It’s where your nervous system meets your wisdom.

It’s where you stop reacting like your past self… and start responding like your future self.

Learning to hold that space is a practice—but the more you do it, the more you become someone you trust.

And honestly? That’s where the real magic begins.

Let me know in the comments—have you been practising the pause lately?