The comfort of not committing.
How fear of choosing is the real reason you’re not moving forward.
There’s something I keep noticing in nearly every coaching session lately.
No matter who’s sitting in front of me, they all have one thing in common:
A part of them knows what they want.
It might still be a little foggy. It might feel like a whisper more than a shout.
But it’s there. (And often it is big visions, massive goals, ideas which make this world a better one and which I want to support from the bottom of my heart).
And yet… they don’t move.
They stay in the loop of “I’m still figuring it out,” or “I just need more time.”
And I get it. I’ve been there too.
Because once you choose, there’s no going back to pretending you don’t know.
Not choosing feels safer, but it’s not.
Here’s the thing:
Not deciding is a decision.
It’s choosing to stay where you are.
It’s keeping one foot in, one foot out.
It’s saying: “I don’t fully trust myself yet.”
And here’s the coaching insight:
When we don’t commit, we keep the back door open.
We don’t have to risk failure. Or judgment. Or wasting time.
We don’t have to admit we care.
I’ve done this more times than I can count, and I see it a lot around me.
In relationships, many times in work, in where I live.
It’s easier to hang out in the space of potential — because potential hasn’t failed yet (and potential we have under control, we’re holding it, it feels more powerful).
But you know what? That space gets heavy. It becomes a quiet drain. And clarity never comes when you’re half-in.
What if confusion is just fear in disguise?
Here’s how fear often shows up pretending to be confusion:
You scroll through job boards or course pages, but don’t apply
You ask everyone what they’d do, hoping someone will confirm your gut feeling
You keep “researching” for months
You say you’re not ready, when what you really mean is you’re scared (“I’m waiting for a sign or the perfect moment”)
It’s not that you don’t know.
It’s that knowing would mean you have to do something with it.
And that’s where it gets uncomfortable.
But here’s what I’ve learned, from my own mess, and from 1:1 sessions over the past month:
Not one of my clients didn’t have a quiet longing inside them.
Not one of them wanted to stay stuck.
Every single one had something they were craving, they just didn’t feel safe, ready or “meant for it” to go for it.
Three small things that help
If this feels like you right now, here are three tools I like coming back to for myself and my clients:
1. If I couldn’t mess it up, what would I choose?
Let that question breathe for a minute.
Don’t overthink it — just notice what bubbles up.
That’s your clarity speaking.
2. What’s the smallest honest step I could take today?
Forget the 5-year plan.
Sometimes, clarity looks like sending an email. Having a conversation. Saying no.
3. When was the last time I chose something brave — and what did it teach me?
You’ve been bold before. You’ve made messy moves. You’ve survived and grown.
Let that version of you remind you that you can choose again.
Clarity comes when you move
Clarity doesn’t just arrive one morning and say “Hi, I’m here now.”
It builds as you move.
It grows when you start living like the version of you who already knows.
If you want some help untangling this, I’ve got a workbook that walks you through it step by step.
Or you can book a 1:1 session with me, and we’ll work it out together.
→ Watch: 3 signs you’re not lacking clarity, you’re just scared to decide (YouTube)
You don’t need a perfect plan.
You just need to be honest about what you already know.
I’m rooting for you,
x Mimi
